Saturday, June 27, 2015

Top 10 Things Liberals Want To Ban

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Our Constitution and Bill of Rights established a democratic republic which has stood the tests of time and made us the envy of the world. Because, freedom. Boom. We can say what we want, we can worship whom we please, and we are pursuing happiness like nobody’s business.
Except liberals. It’s like they don’t even understand the concept of “happiness.” More like “misery.” “What can we find to be outraged about today?” is the liberal mantra. Sometimes – though few – the outrage is merited. Most other times… it’s just intellectual self-gratification.

Like things liberals want to ban, for example. Ban all the things! Ridiculous. Don’t believe me? Check out this list:
1. Happy Meal toys – This is not a joke. Leave it to California to ruin one of your happiest childhood memories. (Sure they’re a choking hazard, but that’s the price of fun). They say separating toys from Happy Meals “prevents restaurants from preying on children’s love of toys” and “breaks the link between unhealthy food and prizes.” Uh, guys. If you’re taking your kid to McD’s, expecting them to eat a healthy meal… we’re just fascinated that you were capable of procreation.

2. Plastic bags – For the environment! Except, welllllll… refusing to give you plastic bags in the checkout line may actually be harming the environment. Studies repeatedly show that when Walmart doesn’t give you plastic bags – you buy them. Lots of them. Whoops.
3. “Bossy” – And “welfare.” And “illegal.” And “thug.” And “dinosaur.” BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT NICE WORDS AND THEY MIGHT HURT SOMEBODY’S FEELINGS, OKAY?!
4. Books – Because sausages and pigs can be offensive. So no putting either in our children’s books. Best they never see little piggies. Ever. Really, Oxford University Press?
5. Water guns – They make kids violent! Or something. The Boy Scouts have banned water gun battles (the epitome of childhood summer fun) because they’re not kind. Not kind at all. And water balloons? Not allowed to be any bigger than a ping-pong ball. Might as well have an egg fight. More fun.
6. College football – Seriously. Liberals want to ban college football. For health reasons. Which begs the question… would the NFL be next on the chopping block? Because then that is NOT OKAY. Step away from the pigskin… or I just might have to shoot you with my water pistol.
7.  The Pledge of Allegiance – Talk about irresponsible and unpatriotic. This one’s the worst. What exactly is so wrong with instilling national pride in our youngsters? When did it become a bad thing to be proud to be an American? Sheesh.
8.  Candles – And air fresheners. Nevada attempted to pull this one because the “fragrance is annoying” to some people. *eyeroll* But get this: New York takes the cake. Literally. The libs up there want to take away your birthday cake’s candlesAnd mandate cupcakes. Will the madness never end?
9.  Goldfish – The “only pet I’m allowed to have” crowd would suffer a huge blow if liberals win this one. Did you know that bowl is causing your goldfish “inhumane suffering?” Just make sure you don’t tell them about the last one you sent for a final swim down your toilet bowl…
10.  Prayer – The age-old battle of religious freedom continues. You thought we were guaranteed freedom of religion? Eh. Not so much. High school students can’t even pray during their free time anymore.
What did we miss? What are liberals trying to ban in your neighborhood? Sound off in the comments below!

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