Funny Liberal/Democrat Jokes To Start Your Day
1. Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
2. Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
3. Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
4. Q: What’s the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
5. A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
“Ten dollars?” she said. “It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here’s a hundred – go bury 10 of them!”
6. Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
7. Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
8. Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
9. Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
10. Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.
11. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.
12. Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
13. Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
14. Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
15. Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
16. A Democrat found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.” He said, “I wish I were smarter”. So the genie made him a Republican.
17. Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don’t know either.
18. Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
19. Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
20. Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
21. Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.
22. Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal’s ear?
A: Data transfer.
23. Q: Why don’t they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.
24. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.
25. Q: What’s the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.